20th Post Nov-07-2016

Distraction Needed

I have been writing pretty well during the past 2 weeks. I finally wrote years 2002 and 2003 which were pretty tough years and hard to write. However, feeling a little down, I made the decision to go back to my painting hobby for a couple of weeks and let go of writing. Recently I have been worried about not writing enough, making it feel more like a chore than a passion. I felt I needed that distraction to fall in love with writing again. If I end up with some good painting as an amature artist (self-taught and still learning), I will share a picture of my painting. I hope I create something I like.

Celebrate life!

Shabnam

Editing Credit: M. Curtis

(416 words – less than 3 min read)

What an inspiring and powerful event! I attended the Magic of Memoir Conference in Oakland, CA last weekend. It was offered by LINDA JOY MYERS and BROOKE WARNER. It was totally different than anything else I had done in my life. I have been very passionate about my memoir writing but being there, listening to the Instructors and people sharing their powerful stories made me feel very supported. It encouraged me to move forward with more confidence.

The conference material was well structured and the short practices after teaching each subject really helped me to learn how I need to improve my storytelling to let the reader follow easily.

The subjects covered, 5 Key Elements of a Successful Memoir; scenes, narration, theme, characterization, and takeaway. They talked about life’s turning points and points of no return and how to map them to the whole story. As we practiced these concepts in groups, I quickly learned how much more work is left to edit my book. However, it was not an overwhelming feeling, it was all exciting. I was so happy to learn more steps to improve the quality of my story.

I also got the opportunity to read 3 minutes of my story in front of an audience. It was an amazing experience. Reading mine to others was as fulfilling as listening to others’ stories. I was so anxious that I even mentioned it to the audience but I enjoyed my reading very much. It pushed my comfort zone which is always so enjoyable to me. Also, as I was reading it out loud, I noticed I have not included a good description of my step-daughter’s appearance in this part and I did not even say how I felt when I met her for the first time.

Overall I was glad I met wonderful people and was inspired by them to be stronger and move forward with good intentions.

The conference material opened new doors to subjects I need to learn to write a good quality book. To give more structure to my book, I am planning to sign up for the 6 months class offered by Linda-Joy and Brook starting in January.

Last but not least, they covered different types of publishing. It was a great feeling to start thinking about it. It makes me feel I want to jump out of my skin and dance around naked without skin. J

I am now more encouraged to follow this great passion….

Celebrate life!

Shabnam

Editing Credit: M. Curtis

I am very excited for the Memoir Writing conference with NAMW I am attending next week. I learned there is an opportunity to read 3 minutes of my story to the audience. I loved the opportunity and  immediately signed up for it. Then I felt so nervous. I started to doubt I could do it, whether I even had a good section ready to read, but I pushed the thoughts aside. I searched and it seems 3 minutes of reading is about 600 words for an average speaker. I wanted to select a section that has a start and finish to some extent. But which section? I am still writing the draft and learning how to write a story.

After giving it some thought, I made the decision to read the section that talks about the time my daughter and I spent in the US embassy in Ankara, Turkey for her visa. I read it to my daughter and my husband and they liked it. However the whole time I was reading it I was crying. We thought I could practice and would be able to control my emotions but a week later, I still felt the same; I felt too emotional about that part of the story.  It was not fun being unable to manage my emotions but on the bright side I felt what I wrote came from my heart, and I hope it goes to my readers’ hearts. I am hoping to create that heart to heart connection with my readers.

I accepted that I am not ready to read that part and started searching for another piece. I picked the section that talks about how Mike and I would talk about our daughters at the beginning of our relationship, and the excitement I had meeting his daughter for the first time. I did cry the first couple of times I read that part out loud, but then the emotion was more manageable since it was about the happier part of the story. As soon as I managed my emotions, every time I read this section aloud, I found myself editing it more to make  connections between the sentences to give the right flow to the story. I learned when I read it loud, I find the disconnects between the sentences much better. That was amazing. It was coming so naturally.  I had heard about the benefits of reading your story out loud to have better edits but experiencing it was so much fun. it was a lot deeper and more beneficial than I thought. I hope I can find volunteer ears to hear me reading the draft to be able to edit it better.

Celebrate life!

Shabnam

Editing Credit: M. Curtis

Picture Credit: https://pixabay.com

(416 words – less than 3 min read)

I feel lucky! I received great feedback on the first 20 pages of my story from friends and family members. I have signed up for a memoir workshop in October and the review of 20 pages of my story was part of the package I bought. I really wanted to have as much edit as I can to send a good quality draft for the professional reviews. There is no competition but I intended to provide a mature enough copy to get feedback about what I don’t know.

The honest feedback always  enriches the story, any story!

I received great questions about the story that answering them would cover the gaps that I didn’t know existed. I received great feedback on my grammatical mistakes and even spelling errors that have been corrected to the wrong word by Microsoft Word spell checker. I also received a very interesting feedback about my writing style! one of the reviewers kindly mentioned that my writing method follows the “stream-of-consciousness” technique.

I am learning to become a writer and this was a new door opened to me. I started searching about different techniques of writing and learned more about “stream-of-consciousness”. The reviewer was indeed correct! I did not know I have a writing style and it is very close to this method. According to the literalydevice.net “In literature, stream of consciousness is a method of narration that describes in words the flow of thoughts in the minds of the characters.” My writing describes the flow of my thoughts under different circumstances. I describe what I thought and how I felt for an event. I don’t have a chronological flow. When I write about an event, my writing takes me to flashbacks and flash-forwards, whatever the event reminds me and I write it right there. I searched and learned Virginia Woolf has used this style in her very popular book “Mrs. Dalloway”. I started listening to that story. I don’t have the writing capability that she had for sure but I can connect to the flow of her thoughts very smoothly. I am about to go and learn more about other literary styles and see what else is out there.

I truly enjoyed reading my feedback provided by my dear ones and incorporating them into my story. I am now really excited to send it out for professional reviews. This will be a turning point for the rest of the story as well. Every moment of this process is so precious!

Celebrate life!

Shabnam

Photo Credit: pixabay.com

“If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.” -Stephen King

Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com/

(460 words – less than 3 min read)

I believe, when we show our true-self and connect through our true-self we always look beautiful.

I started reading the book “Presence” by Amy Cuddy recommended by a friend who has a deep understanding of life and amazing love for life.

The book is about Amy Cuddy’s years of research as well as others’ research studies on how our true-self can tell our true story and connect us with others positively. Her research shows our body language says our true story on occasions that we are either very ready for next step or not ready but try to convince ourselves and others that we are ready. Her research also shows how even when we are ready, the anxiety can cover us all over and stops us from moving forward and how we can practice self-belief and connect with our true-self to overcome the anxiety and present ourselves fully and truly.

Reading her book and every new book shows me a new dimension of life. Every new book gives me a deeper understanding of life. I am now looking at a lot of events in my life and in my story from a different angel. Were I present at the moment in each event? I try to add to or edit the story from this new angel, trying to explain when I did not present at all, when I did not present fully and when I presented truly. All those moments of either rejection or success have built my story and who I am now. But now I feel a big joy when I remember those moments that I offered my presence fully and truly to life.

By sharing fascinating experiences, Cuddy shows how we can practice to be present in the moment.   

I am so excited to finish this book. Every page of it gives me more hope for more inner-peace by learning how to be present at the moment and to be honest with myself. Here there is an excerpt from her book.

“Before heading into a situation where we may be challenged, we can reduce our anxiety by reaffirming the parts of our authentic best selves we value most.

When we feel safe with ourselves, we become significantly less defensive and more open to feedback, making us better problem solvers, too.” Amy Cuddy – Presence

Trusting life and outcomes of each event even the painful ones gives us more inner peace. It doesn’t mean we put up with nonsense or we don’t feel the pain, it purely means we believe in ourselves and use the power of authentic-self positively to make changes and to move forward. Changes are essential to our life. We need to welcome them and be present when they arrive!

Celebrate life!

Shabnam

Editing Credit: M. Curtis

Picture credit: pixabay.com

(872 words – less than 5 min read)

I started feeling good about my English skills a couple of years ago. I felt I had a good vocabulary and I have always tried to communicate clearly. Since I did not hear a lot of “what did you mean?” from others, I felt I have been developing good English skills. I knew I had a long way to go and A LOT more to learn, but one thing I didn’t know I didn’t know was the correct structure of complex sentences. I did not know in a sentence, I was not using the independent clause and dependent clause in the order that a native English speaker would expect. It was not Farsi either. It was Shabnamified I guess??!!

I have signed up for a memoir writing conference in October. Since I registered as an early bird, I get to send 20 pages of my memoir for the panel review . I made a decision to send the first 20 pages of my memoir for their review. I asked my daughter and my husband to help with a thorough review/editing of the first 20 pages of my story, so I can send it for the expert review. I want to have as much editing as I can so I get a higher level feedback on my writing from them.

My daughter has developed very good English skills during her college years. When she started reviewing it, she noticed in a complex sentence, I use the independent and dependent clauses in the reverse order compared to what is expected in quality English writing.  Even realizing what part is dependent and what part is independent requires a deeper understanding of the language than I have.

When my husband Mike started his edits, I was shocked to see how he was restructuring the sentences. We needed to discuss each sentence before he restructured it to make sure the sentence still delivered my exact message. Since I am still learning English, I expected a lot of editing but this restructure was something in the dark zone of my brain; I had no idea about it. I felt confused. I did not even know how to express my confusion and what to say about it.

Me: Mike, do you think we need to restructure the sentences like this? I understand we are making sure it still conveys my message but was it wrong the way I had it?

Mike: Yes, a sentence should be in the correct order. I am thinking what message your reader would get by reading a sentence and making sure they understand what you really meant to say.

Me: But this way I don’t feel I am the author anymore. It feels like we both are the authors of this book. I want to be the author with my own voice.

Mike: No, you are still the author. I am only an editor. These are your thoughts and this is your story. you wrote it. But we need to make sure people understand it when they read it.

Me: But I don’t understand how you do it. I thought I always communicate clearly and people understood me. Maybe because English is not my native language, I would never understand it. Therefore I would never become a good writer.

Mike: Yes, you will. This is just a new concept. You just need time to understand it and practice it…..

Needless to say I was scared of this new unknown skill that I did not know about. I did not understand what he meant. I was just watching him coming up with a way better way of saying what I had written. I liked the way he changed it but I was pretty hopeless as to how I am going to learn this  unknown concept.

Well, I reminded myself this is only another challenge. I will get through it.

I am not supposed to know everything. While I am learning, I come across things that I don’t know I don’t know. I remind myself that my goal is to develop high quality writing skills. I just need to learn how to do it.

I started searching and learning about sentence structure and order. A new world opened up to me. I was surprised by how much information I got with a simple search in Google. Wow! There was another ocean of knowledge that I did not know exists. I felt hopeful again. I started making sense of that unknown concept. It started becoming tangible and learn-able. I have begun to pay attention to the structure of the sentences when I am reading books. I know it is a fundamental concept and will take time to learn since I learned a very different language growing up, but I know I can learn it!

I also made the decision to turn my weekly progress into weekly short stories instead of providing a report structure for my progress. I decided my progress each week can be a story. Everything I learn is related to one goal; writing my story. So from now on, my weekly progress updates will be presented in the format of a short story. This gives me an opportunity to practice creating a plot every week, too!

Celebrate life!

Shabnam

Editing Credit: M. Curtis

Photo Credit: https://pixabay.com

(838 words – 4 min read)

The big news is now I own www.shabnamcurtis.com. I bought my own domain! And I am printing my business cards. Even though I am moving forward slowly, I am still looking forward to the day that writing is my main profession!

In this busy life we constantly have to fight to prioritize our daily plans. In our to-do lists, it is hard to give priority to the things we really enjoy doing since the daily routines scream loudly to be taken care of. My writing is what I really like to do and that is perhaps why it often ends up at the end of the list! LOL

All this said, it is certainly hard to keep up with updating my blog, but in this battle I try to avoid blaming myself. 🙂

Although I have been writing gradually and steadily, I still need to motivate myself to write every time I can squeeze it in. Motivating myself or may be even more accurately inspiring myself is a very important part of the process. As much as I love writing, the responsibilities of daily life conspire against my plans. Every time I sit to write I need to start with inspiring myself. One of my inspirations is listening to “Magic Lessons Podcast” by Liz Gilbert. Listening to how she pinpoints the exact issue an artist needs to focus on for encouragement has been very influential to me.

This time I was listening to “Who Gets To Decide Whether You’re A Legitimate Artist?”. It was very touching and awakening. From this podcast I learned you don’t need an academic degree in Art to be an artist. You can reach out and “create” a community to share your creativity, get feedback, and observe the creativity of others.

Thanks to a wonderful friend sharing an amazing TED talk, my husband and I were listening to the second most popular TED talk presented by Social Psychologist Amy Cuddy and my husband knowing my passion says you should have become a Social Psychologist. You love this area of science. Social Psychology has always been a very exciting subject to me and I always wanted to go back to school for it. That has been a dream for me though I cannot pursue it professionally at this point of my life. Listening to Liz’s podcast, I learned I do not need a PhD in Social Psychology to fulfill my passion. In order to become a writer I can use my understanding of Social Psychology to interpret people’s life events and turn them into stories. My interest in Social Psychology beautifully complements my love for writing.  

I believe strengthening my knowledge of Social Psychology and using it in my writing is the way to fulfill these passions; it is just a matter of maintaining the pursuit and keeping it high on my priority list.

Trying hard to make time for it and with all the inspiration around me, I always look forward to my writing time. As joyful as writing is, turning painful memories into words on a page is sometimes hard to deal with. During the past few weeks I have had many different feelings. Writing about my experience with war as a child and how my feelings were repressed while living under a theocracy was painful. I cried while I wrote these passages. Writing about my second marriage reminded me how I let myself become a victim. It still makes me feel shameful. Writing how hard we worked as a family to bring my daughter to the U.S made me feel appreciative of my family support. Writing about that one huge moment in my life while I watched my daughter finally obtain the visa in the U.S embassy made me cry with pride. Last but not least putting all these pieces of the story together and seeing this big beautiful picture as the outcome fills me with joy.

All the painful events were opportunities for growth. I needed them to teach me the lessons to create the story of my life. I now love this story! This reminds me of Brene Brown’s story of falling and rising in her book “Rising Strong”. I can’t say how beautiful it is when I see how and how many times people are capable of rising strong.

Speaking of rising strong, during the past couple of weeks, I also finished two very good books ; “Drinking: A Love Story” by Caroline Knapp and “The Story of my Life” by Helen Keller. These two ladies are role models of how to rise strong. It is amazing to understand how Caroline Knapp conquered her drinking habit and how Helen Keller overcame some of the utmost disabilities that any human might easily give up on.

We all have habits that need to change and limitations to overcome. I read how these two brave people got rid of the hardwired habit or overcame the limitations under some of the hardest circumstances of life. I believe we can do it too!

Celebrate life!

Shabnam
Editing Credit: M. Curtis